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About Traditional Art / Student BenjiMale/United States Groups :iconthefangirlteam: TheFangirlTeam
 
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A guy on Pokemon amino accused me of stealing from him, but I didn't. You guys know I wouldn't. I was stupid enough to have my name on there as RoarinStar, so guys, I beg of you, if they find me here too, please don't believe them. I can't lose you guys too.
I love you guys.
-Benji
Trigger warning, please don't read if it upsets you.....
-
I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry I'm such a shitty excuse for a human being. I really am. I deal with my depression so poorly, my first response is always to reach for the blades. But of course I never go through, I'm too much of a coward to give myself the pain I deserve. I can't deal with this shit anymore. It hurts. Every day is torture. I'll never be taken seriously as a man, especially not a gay man. I mean, why couldn't I just be happy as a straight girl, right? I'm a fucking boy. I'm sorry I didn't know when I was little. I have no one, everyone who was supposed to care about me left. Not a single person off of this website would give a fuck whether I live or die. 
A few nights ago, I was on the verge of doing the unthinkable and the piece of shit I used to call a friend told me to leave him alone so he could sleep.
So that's what I mean to people.
No one wants me, I'm just the trash everyone else threw away. 
I know, I know, who would give a shit about an annoying faggot anyways?
Who would ever love a boy who doesn't have a dick?
No one.
Also, Ruby, if you see this, please don't tell me to try harder. I've been trying for years, and nothing's changed. I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it. Unfortunately though, I'm better off away from everyone, being eaten alive by the monster that depression is.
I need help. I'm not afraid to admit it. 
I.
Need.
Help.
Unfortunately the mask I put up is too strong, so strong that no one believes that I'm dying inside.
I'm sorry. I'm just sorry, everyone.
It's RoarinStar. I haven't posted anything yet but hopefully that will change! ^.^
Trigger warning for this journal, I don't want to hurt you guys....
-
Okay. Lately I haven't been posting, even though I have prepaid commissions to do. 
A while ago, a deviant by the name of Thongchan commissioned me, and paid first. I bought an adopt with some of the points, and fully planned on finishing the commission.
But, for a long time, my depression's been demolishing me.
I never finished the commission.
I thought I would feel more comfortable writing a yaoi since I'm gay, so I accepted a commission from Hetabee to pay back Thongchan to make sure I didn't scam her.
Well, things got bad really quickly for me. 
I tried to come out again, because even though I thought I had, clearly I needed to explain it again.
It didn't work.
I was invalidated over and over again and had the shit kicked out of me verbally. I can barely survive though a single day anymore, imagine trying to finish a commission. 
I believe that I'd be better off dead. I can't leave though, I have friends I couldn't leave behind like that.
Everyone who was supposed to care about me turned on me. Only one of my friends in real life stays around me and puts up with me. The other night, I wrote a suicide note in French, because it's easier for me to speak my mind in French than in English. I sent it to a friend who doesn't want to talk to me, and he didn't acknowledge it. 
I'm sorry to everyone I've let down. Note me for my kik if you want to talk.
And don't worry about me right now, I'm still here.
I'm still a shitty friend though. 
I love you guys.
-Benji
Wait! Before you hate on me.

I'm not a straight boy wanting lesbian friends because I "think it's hot" or a straight girl wanting gay friends because "they understand me."

I am a gay male. I want more lgbt friends because they understand the issues I go through.

That's it.

Anyone, I mean ANYONE, in the community is welcome here.

And even if you're not LGBT, feel free to comment! I like friends in general.

~Benji
A guy on Pokemon amino accused me of stealing from him, but I didn't. You guys know I wouldn't. I was stupid enough to have my name on there as RoarinStar, so guys, I beg of you, if they find me here too, please don't believe them. I can't lose you guys too.
I love you guys.
-Benji

deviantID

RoarinStar's Profile Picture
RoarinStar
Benji
Artist | Student | Traditional Art
United States
:iconeevee-1::iconeevee-2::iconeevee-3::iconeevee-4::iconeevee-5::iconeevee-6::iconeevee-7::iconeevee-8:
:iconrainbow-rplz::iconrainbow-oplz::iconrainbow-aplz::iconrainbow-rplz::iconrainbow-iplz::iconrainbow-nplz::iconrainbow-splz::iconrainbow-tplz::iconrainbow-aplz::iconrainbow-rplz:
:iconrainbow-lplz::iconrainbow-oplz::iconrainbow-vplz::iconrainbow-eplz::iconrainbow-splz:
:iconrainbow-aplz::iconrainbow-lplz::iconrainbow-lplz:
:iconrainbow-oplz::iconrainbow-fplz:
:iconrainbow-hplz::iconrainbow-iplz::iconrainbow-splz:
:iconrainbow-cplz::iconrainbow-rplz::iconrainbow-aplz::iconrainbow-zplz::iconrainbow-yplz:
:iconrainbow-wplz::iconrainbow-aplz::iconrainbow-tplz::iconrainbow-cplz::iconrainbow-hplz::iconrainbow-eplz::iconrainbow-rplz::iconrainbow-splz:
--
Name: Roarin/Stormy/Benji
Age: *cough*
Gender: Male
~Gay Pride Stamp by BruceBannerFanGirl~Boys Love 7 SPIRIT DAY by Ajvonka~Mambostuck Eridan by SkaianAngel~
~trans FTM  buttom by Paradox-pony~
:iconbummy1::iconbummy2::iconbummy3:
:iconfeelingfreeplz::iconbummiesplz::iconrainbowsheep2:
........................./´¯/)
......................,/¯..//
...................../..../ /
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´(..´......,~/'...')
.........\.................\/..../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
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:iconangelwingleftplz::iconpolandplz::iconangelwingrightplz:
:icondevilwingleftplz::iconprussiaplz::icondevilwingrightplz:
POINT COMMISIONS
PRICES: wolf/fox sketch: 3 :points: colored wolf/fox: 6 :points: human sketch: 5 :points: colored human: 10 :points:
1 WEEK ART SLAVE: 50 :points:
Flipnote page: flipnote.hatena.com/5593EBC0C5…
Quotev page: www.quotev.com/26607033
Skype: Note me!
Kik: Note me!
Twitter: phallic_acid
FurAffinity: RoarinStar
MY DA FAMILY:
Twin Sissys: :iconaustriassoul: :iconcountrypup17:
Big Bruder: :iconkingsshade:
I'd love to add some people, so hit me up! :D
My favorite mofos ever: :iconaustriassoul: :iconcountrypup17: :iconjojoleopard: :iconkingsshade: :iconreubenharvey: :iconhisbride07: :iconderpyinsanity: :icontrippymarshmallow: :iconnotester82:
The heroes that put up with my sorry ass in real life, whom I love <3: :iconlittleitalykagamine: :icongyroro: :iconprussiaaustria2018: :iconvocaloid223: :iconsnowtiger111: :iconapocalyptichome: :icontheavengerfangirl: :icongramparome2018: :iconnine-headedhydra: :icontyrex00: :icondeaththekid2018: :iconsomthingoriginal2018: :iconcreepwolf919:

RP PAGE: :iconburghofcastellia:

--

Sup, deviantART. I'm Roarin. I'm an American trans guy, and a truly awkward person ^-^" I loooooove Pokemon and... Idk. Just talk to me to find out! I love you guys <3
--

POKEMON TEAMS:

HeartGold:
Ampharos by CreepyJellyfishScyther by CreepyJellyfishGlaceon by CreepyJellyfish
Ninetales by CreepyJellyfishFeraligatr by CreepyJellyfishDragonair by CreepyJellyfish

X:
Charizard by CreepyJellyfishRoserade by CreepyJellyfishSwampert by CreepyJellyfish
Lucario by CreepyJellyfishGardevoir by CreepyJellyfishGoodra by CreepyJellyfish

Platinum:
Torterra by CreepyJellyfishGyarados by CreepyJellyfishKadabra by CreepyJellyfish
Staravia by CreepyJellyfishHoundoom by CreepyJellyfishMachoke by CreepyJellyfish

White:
Lilligant by CreepyJellyfishEmolga by CreepyJellyfishTranquill by CreepyJellyfish
Duosion by CreepyJellyfishScolipede by CreepyJellyfishCubchoo by CreepyJellyfish
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Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconxclaux:
xclaux Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Heyy, thanks for the watch!
Reply
:iconroarinstar:
RoarinStar Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student Traditional Artist
No problemo muchacha :3
(I don't actually speak Spanish. English is my first language, French is my second c:)
Reply
:iconxclaux:
xclaux Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Ahh, nice. I used to speak a little french. English is my first and main.
Reply
:iconroarinstar:
RoarinStar Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student Traditional Artist
Same. I seem to have a passion for learning languages though c:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcetasoul:
CetaSoul Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2015  New Deviant
You have a colors account?
Reply
:iconroarinstar:
RoarinStar Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Student Traditional Artist
Yep, I do! I'm assuming you do too?
Reply
:iconcetasoul:
CetaSoul Featured By Owner 6 days ago  New Deviant
If you read the comments on your page you've already met me there
Reply
:iconroarinstar:
RoarinStar Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Student Traditional Artist
Oh, I'm sorry! I've been on vacation and I can't get my 3DS to connect to the wifi. I'll check it when I get home today~
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconshadowangelblood:
ShadowAngelBlood Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2015
Thanks for the watch.  :)
Reply
:iconakiaino:
AkiAino Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2015  Student Traditional Artist
Thank you for the watch. 

:iconsadhugplz:
Reply
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